To be continued....

The waiting is over and we finally know what our new baby will be :) The ultrasound went well and we found out the gender first thing. We are very excited! We will do our best to keep it a secret! We told Isaiah but he had a lack of reaction. I'm sure he will feel differently when he has someone taking his toys. As for now, we are finalizing names; we are down to three. Can't wait to finally him/her :)

L.O.V.E

Valentines Day has finally reached us and it another year I'm reminded of how much I hate it. I remember in school when that was THE most important day in a young girls life. Of course schools had to make it that much more awkward. They had the carnations valentine flowers that you could send to each other during school and the day they got sent out was either an awesome day or the day you went home and cried. You always hoped that you would be the girl walking around with 2 dozen cheap carnations because THAT defined your existence on earth. You were either REALLY liked or not. If you were me, you totally envied the girls who proudly displayed the ugly flowers all day, as if they were telling you that you might as well no even be in her presence because SHE had more carnations than you. I hated Valentines Day. I was NOT that girl. I was lucky to get one valentine, and it was probably from one of my friends that I paid to send me a flower. Lame, I know. After 4 humiliating years, I vowed to never care about valentines day again.

Fast forward a few years and I start dating my husband. He made every valentines day special for me. Last year, while I was 8 months pregnant, he came home with a massive heart shaped pepperoni pizza and a ice cream cake. He knows how to treat pregnant women! I've never been one that likes all the lovey dovey hearts and crap but I have to say he makes me feel pretty special :) Our 2 year anniversary is coming up and once again I'm reminded of how great he is. The past 3 years have been incredibly stressful and he has stuck by me through everything. He is a wonderful devoted husband and father. I'm so blessed to have him. So, to celebrate the awesomeness that is our marriage, here's a little pictorial.

This was out first date. He asked me if I wanted to go to a Cubs game the day before, not knowing I was a die hard fan. My first impression of him was that he was a little geeky, made really weird jokes but had beautiful eyes. He was a really fun date.



Eventually, I fell for the geeky, pretty-eyed boy and we got engaged just 5 months after our first date.

This was a few months before our wedding.


We were married March 14th 2008. Not even a full year after our first date :) We had a beautiful ceremony in Watertown Minnesota. Take a wild guess where we honeymooned :)


A few months later, we were thrilled to find out we were expecting our first baby! He was due just two weeks after our one year anniversary!

Isaiah Christopher was born March 25th 2009. He is the most wonderful gift Chris and I have ever received!

We were a wonderfully, happy family of three for a while :) Until....

Yes! Number two is on the way! Due July 17th, just 16 months after Isaiah was born!!! So, as my belly and our family grows, I've realized that Valentine's Day has much more of a meaning to me. Sure, its about love, but its not about ugly carnations, boxes of cheap chocolate or cheesy Hallmark cards. I think Frank Sinatra said it best:

L is for the way you look at me, Isaiah
O is for the only man I see
V is very, very extra ordinary life
E is even more than anything I could have asked for

Happy Valentine's Day!

Muzzled

I remember once in my high school senior creative writing class, the teacher had asked a question and I raised my hand to answer. I don't remember what the question was, but I most likely gave an answer that I thought was particularly funny. The class laughed (I think) and in the back row I hear "God Ashley, shut up!"

Okay, rewind....high school was not "the best years of your life" like everyone had always told. I basically hated high school. I didn't quite fit in anywhere. I was in band, theatre, but knew a lot of the "cool kids" from childhood and could potentially hold conversations with them. I had a "new look" every year and was always trying to re-invent myself. I didn't really have a group that I hung out with all the time, so I feel like I lacked an identity. Now looking back, I realize how stupid I was to try and find my identity through a bunch of zit faced, hormonal people. Regardless, I still tried to fit in with everyone. I joked around a lot, and didn't take a lot of things seriously. I annoyed a lot of people and probably teachers. I was insanely insecure and tried to make jokes to lighten up.

So, this "voice" that I heard in the back row belonged to none other **** ******** herself! Okay, this girl and I despised each other for no reason at all. Her and I were once on the cheerleading squad together and she hated me ever since. I never did anything to this girl, but for whatever reason she loved to make me feel like dirt. This was common for her, and I found out later that I was not the only person she treated like the gum under the desk. She was popular, dated a certain football player, and basically thought her poop didn't stink. She did anything she could to put anyone and everyone below her. I used to say that if I got permission to kill anyone in the world and not get in trouble for it, she would be first on my list. This girl was just plain mean. (side note: If "this person" is reading this and has figured out that it is her that I'm talking about, I just have to say I hope you've gotten the stick out of your butt and treat people better now)

Moving on....after hearing her yell at me to shut up in front of the entire class, I probably could have put my fist threw face, but I held back. Mostly because she was built like a man and would have knocked me out and because I didn't dare say a thing to her. If I would have stood up for myself and said something, the words would have sounded like a I was three year old. "That was not nice, I'm telling..." yeah, that would have been me. I lacked the ability to come up with awesome things to say right on the spot like most people. So I kept my mouth shut, took the stares and threw up in my mouth from the humility.

So, its been 5 years since I high school and sad to say, I feel like this still too often. I feel like the world is constantly yelling at me to shut up. Now, I'm a LITTLE more mature but I still have the tendency to say stupid things on a regular basis. Just ask my husband.

Here is some truth about me: I say inappropriate things, I think mean things about people sometimes and have a hard time not saying anything, I often will say things without thinking, and I occasionally hurt someone's feelings because of it, never on purpose. Basically, I verbally vomit on people and then regret what I say later. I lay in bed sometimes, thinking, "did I really say that?!?!?!" For example: My freshman year, my band directors wife was pregnant. I saw here about a week before she was about to give birth. Upon seeing her I said "Holy cow you're huge! You should put a wide load sign on yourself!" YES I SAID THAT!!!! After being pregnant with my first child, I realized if someone would have said that to me, they would have been thrown through the nearest brick wall. I don't know how that women didn't smack me. But, I didn't know any better. I was nieve and thought being huge while pregnant was a good thing!

These days, I've gotten a little better. I still have a tendency to share my life story the first time I meet someone and then wonder why they avoid me after that. I vocalize my struggles, which to some people sounds like I'm complaining. I make stupid jokes and inappropriate comments. I am brutally honest and very opinionated. I make fun of people on tv which tends be annoying to the people I'm with. I'm not afraid of who I am anymore and appreciate people who love me despite my "flaws/annoyances" I hate when people still tell me to shut up, even if its not vocally. Sometimes, a look says it all...I really don't like that. Or people who don't confront me about their frustrations with what I say, and rather talk behind my back about. Both, have happened recently.

I am who I am. Do I say things that annoy people? Sure, but I won't apologize for being myself.

Growing like a weed

Well, I'm at 17 weeks :) I had no idea I would be this big so early, but I guess after your first pregnancy, you start to show a lot earlier. Only a week and half until we find out the gender :)

The baby has been moving around a little bit, which is such an awesome feeling. Its hard to realize that its not Isaiah in my tummy anymore. Every time I felt those kicks I associated it with the little boy in my tummy, but its weird knowing that its a whole different person in there. The movements may feel the same, but the person in there is totally different. Possibly a different gender, different face, different hair (hopefully more) different personality, different future ahead of them.

Isaiah is growing so fast! I can't believe his 1st birthday is just around the corner. He's becoming quite the little man. He's has a huge personality and is very independent. He's already started throwing temper tantrums and laughs when I tell him "no." He's going to be a handful! He has no idea he's getting a brother or sister in the next few months, but I'm anxious to see how he will react. He will only be 16 months old when the baby is born so I'm sure he will let us know how he feels.

This pregnancy has been so wonderful so far. I had no morning sickness and have had a good amount of energy, which is good considering I chase around Isaiah all day. The only thing I've struggled with is a little bit of depression. My hormones have been unbelievable and I already struggle with seasonal depression. I tried anti-depressants for a little bit, but I didn't like the side effects so I've been trying to keep the shades open to help get some sun, and making sure I'm getting enough sleep. It has helped a little but some days are worse than others. Hopefully once spring hits I will be in better spirits. Winter has always been hard for me, but its been significantly worse since I can't really go anywhere and I'm coped up in the house all day. I'm really looking forward to the summer and taking Isaiah swimming and playing at the park. But for now, we're getting through the winter and trying to keep ourselves entertained inside. Right now, we just get through one day at time.

Basketball season is almost over, which means I will have my husband back! Its been hard the past couple of months with him coaching on top of being at church all the time. I rely on his help so much that its hard when I only see him for 20 minutes a day. Thankfully, winter has been on my side this year and has caused a few canceled practices and games here and there. Him and Isaiah have really gotten close the past month. Isaiah LOVES his daddy!!!! He squeals and screams when Chris comes home, its so adorable. They have their fun games and songs that they sing. Chris is such a great father and Isaiah couldn't have more fun with him. He's so excited to have another baby. I think he secretly wants another boy so he can start his own basketball team in the near future but I think he also has a sweet spot for a little daddy's girl.

I'm counting down the days until we find out the gender of the baby! I have a really good feeling that its a girl. I don't care either way, but I totally wouldn't mind having a little doll to dress up. Isaiah's not really into clothes :( But having two boys would be a riot and lots of fun! We are going to try to keep the gender a secret, but we'll see how long I can go!

Germ-x, Lysol, and Clorox wipes....

Night #5 of being on my own. There are toys strewn about the house, a sink full of dirty bottles, a book shelf that has been torn apart, a counter full of Motrin, Tylenol, Germ-X, teething tablets, Orajel, Lysol and Clorox wipes. No, this isn't an advertisement, its been my life the past three days. It all started Tuesday morning, a day I had been looking forward to for a while. It was our bi-weekly MOPS meeting. MOPS is a wonderful group of moms who get together on a regular basis to talk, encourage and learn from one another. Its a great couple of hours that I get a "break." Now, this isn't an entire break, because Isaiah comes with me. I used to love bringing him. After he was born, he would sit with me during the meetings or quietly sleep in his carseat. I loved showing him off and enjoyed the feeling I got when I brought him in public. I'm very proud of my little boy. Ever since he started moving I've put him the nursery with rest of the movers and shakers under 3 yrs old. He does really well. Well, Tuesday was not a normal day. We got out the door on time, which is rare, and I was excited to be there. It had been a couple of months since my last meeting and I was anxious to see my friends and catch up with them all. After about 45 mins I went up to check on Isaiah and give him his bottle. I came up to find he was extrememly cranky, not wanting to eat, and just wanting to be held. Not like my son at all. So, every 20 minutes I was running back upstairs to make sure he was okay. Eventually, I took him, and realized his was running a fever. Okay, no problem, gave him tylenol and handed him back to the nursery ladies. Not a good idea. He started screaming and refused to do anything but scream. I knew something was up. After the meeting, I took him and he slept for an hour. Upon waking up, I took his temperature and he had a significant fever.

Now, my Isaiah is never sick. In 10 month he's only had a stuffy nose for a few days. I panicked. His fever was over 100 and I instantly forgot what to do. Do I keep warm, cool him off, stick him in the snow??? So I called everyone I thought would know, and of course no one answers their phone. Eventually, I get a hold of a friend of mine and she calms me down and gives me a few tips. I assume this is teething and that its no big deal. So, we get through the rest of the day, evening comes and again I'm on my own to do dinner and bedtime. Chris has been working most nights, and those are usually my time for a break after a long day. Well, this was day #3 of no break, no husband to hand the reigns over to and I was tired, pregnant and wanted sleep. The next morning, still no break in the fever and its gone up to 102. I call the dr. and they want us to come in. Immediatley, I start wondering what he could have. After packing him up the car, Chris comes home and we drive the 15 miles to town to the dr, and did I mention, its 5 degrees out and I'm taking my baby with a 102 fever out in the cold. We get the dr and he tells us he has no idea whats wrong with him and that its something thats just going around. Seriously, he couldn't just tell me that over the phone?!?!?! So, we run to the store, pick up more medicine and head home. Chris leaves again and again I'm on my own with a baby who is miserable.

Now, when it comes to my life, I have a tendency to make things worse for myself. Before we had Isaiah, we got a dog....and then we got another dog, and now not only do I take care of my son, who isn't always the easiest baby in the world, but I also have two dogs who have done the following this week:

Torn apart both bathroom garbages at least twice a day
Eaten a number of diapers from the garbage
Eaten a few pacifiers
Eaten a few of Isaiah's toys or at least attempted
Eaten off of Isaiah's plate
Pooped/peed in the house or on Isaiah's toys
Fought with eachother over food or dog bone
Took up my space on couch or bed
Overall annoying Isaiah and making him more upset

Lets just say that have put the icing on my stress cake for the week. Its been like taking care of 3 toddlers. I may need to re color my hair after this week, because I'm pretty sure I have a few grays.

So today has thankfully gone a little better. Isaiah's fever has finally started to come down and I enjoyed a much need visit from my friend Heather. Ironically, I spent a half hour explaining to her how wonderful it is to have a baby. But none the less, it was an adult converstation that didn't involve the words poop, diapers, nite nite or any sort of yelling. It was great. I ate 3 pieces of greasy bacon pizza and drank a whole bottle of coke. It was bliss for two hours.

Isaiah has been in better spirits and thankfully eating normally again. I, on the other hand, am exhausted. I'm not on night #5 of doing it on my own and I think I've reached my limit. Props to all my single mamas. You have more strength and energy in you than I do in my big toe.

I may beg Chris to stay home tomorrow for the sake of his wife and her sanity. Doubtful it will happen but I try to be hopeful. I try not to keep score in our marriage because that can get dangerous, but honey if you're reading this YOU SO OWE ME!!!!!

I know this has been very anti-climactic and you'er probably wondering why you wasted you time in reading all of this, but sorry to say, I didn't write it for you. This is merely my way of getting my stresses out. I'm praying tomorrow will be better for us and that it will be restful. I'm probably jinxing myself as I write this.

Side note- if anyone would like to adopt a Bassitt Hound and Jack Russell, please let me know. They are GREAT dogs, house trained and never get into trouble. In fact, I will pay you to come and take them.