2012 Recap

 

I've been playing around with a program on my computer so I put together a little recap from 2012. I would love to eventually do a video from each year. So, here's our year thus far.

 

 

Baby Steps

One year ago today, this was my facebook status:"With 10 weeks or less to go, I finally feel okay about getting ready for this baby girl's arrival. First thing, find a place for all her clothes...."  One year ago, I was starting to prepare for the incredible birth of my first baby girl. I was sooo exited! Everyday, I looked at the piles of pink clothes just waiting to be washed and put away. Imagining what my little girl would look like and all the adorable outfits I had for her. 7 weeks after this post, on November 8th, I went into labor. After a very intense, painful, but rewarding unmedicated waterbirth, Brynna Leigh-Marie came into our world.

With brown hair, GIANT blue eyes and looking very alien like, our 6 pound 1 ounce princess was born.

I couldn't wait to get her home and dressing her in all the adorable ourfits I had for her. Of course, it starts the hospital. I allowed Chris to pick her "going home" outfit weeks before, knowing that as soon as she was born, he would no longer have a say in what she wore. Thankfully we agreed on an outfit.

 

Within a few hours of being home, I had already changed her clothes, started trying bows on her and preparing for what she would wear next.

 

 

This was her first outfit when we got home.

 

Over the next few months, she grew and grew and the outfits got cuter and cuter. I got to experiment more and we had lots of fun photo sessions :)

 

 

So, fast forward to this weekend. I have a friend at church who is due to have her secong girl any day now. They just moved from Missouri, and didn't have a lot of the things left from when their first daughter was born. The past few months I had been going back and forth if we would be interested in having another baby. While my mommy heart still would love to have another, I know that this isn't the right time. I have been packing away Brynna's clothes that she's grown out of in hopes that I would get to pull them out again someday. The more she grew, the more clothes were tossed into boxes and bags that took up room I didn't have. So, I offered my friend what clothes we had and she assured me that if I ever needed them back, she would have no problem doing that. So, Saturday morning, before heading to my mom's group, I grabbed all the bags and boxes that were over flowing with all the clothes Brynna had worn the past 10 months. Some only worn once, some multiple times. I grabbed her bassinet, her shoes, and a few other things I bought just for her that were covered in pink and taking up room in my house.

 

As I got them all together by the door, I couldn't help but cry. I spent months going through all these clothes, planning outfits, taking pictures. Its seemed like just yesterday. But now, she's closing in on a whole year of life. None of these clothes fit and I have no use for them. It was incredibly sad. My heart ached as I wondered if I would ever need these back; if I would ever see this stuff again. Being 25 with three kids is not something I had ever planned, and the past 4 years have been exhausting but SO incredible. I knew this time would come. A time when I would no longer have a baby in the house. I know Bryn is still VERY babyish, but before I know it she will running with her brothers and becoming a sassy little toddler. For the past 3 years straight I have always had a baby in the house. Knowing that this season was coming to end is very bittersweet. While I am excited for the new things we get to experince with our children now that they are getting older, I still long for the tiny kicks of a baby in my tummy, the first kisses on their cheeks, the smell after their first bath. I miss it.

 

God has sooo grown my heart as a mother these past few years. Many people say to me "I don't know how you do it" Most days I don't either, but I DO know that I ADORE my children. I cherish them with every part of me. I had no idea I could love someone like this. And while the days are long, the money is tight,  and the sleep is minimal, I would have no problem having more children. I know it seems foolish and irresponsible, but thats just how I feel. I fail in comparison to Michelle Duggar who has birthed 20 children, but I understand her love for being a mother and the incredible gift that God gave me of being a mom. My children are precious gifts and I would love nothing more than to bring more into the world. I know I'm not a perfect mother, and I know how difficult every day is. I sometimes feel like a failure at the end of the day, and sometimes feel like I have conqured the world, but no matter my failures or gains as a mom, God fills in the gaps that I cannot meet. He is faithful in doing all that I cannot. He has a plan for my children, far from anything I can dream up. I know that He is with me as I rock my babies in the middle of the night, as I kiss their boo boo's, and I give a time-out for the 30th time. He gave me these children to raise. They are on loan to me, and it is my job to make them into great kids, who love the Lord, love people, and serve others. Thats my job and I can't do it without Him.

 

So, with all of that said, I graciously gave Brynna's clothes to my friend, not knowing if I will ever see them again. I pray that God will continue to lead that area of our life and make the time known to us when and if we should have another child. Until then, I am looking to the next season with open arms and an open heart. I can't wait to see what happens next!